Never Too Late to Transform a Family
Which parent wants their child to fail? All parents undoubtedly hope for their children's success and the fulfillment of their aspirations. Frans (69 years old) is no exception. "I want all my children to succeed, even my youngest who is mischievous and often drinks. I hope he can change and become a successful person,” he shared. He is worried because his youngest child frequently clashes with him and his wife.
Frans longs for harmony within his family. Up until now, he has never received any guidance on transforming relationships within a family. Access to information or training like this has been difficult for him to obtain. Stories like this are not only happen to Frans but are common in many families living in Jayapura Regency, Papua. This is what motivated WVI, together with the local Church, to initiate a Parenting with Love (PDC) workshop in the village where Frans lives. The transformation within a family needs to be accompanied with the right understanding of this matter.
In the PDC workshop held at his congregation, Frans enthusiastically and attentively followed each session despite his age. During the session on Signs of Wholeness and Signs of Destruction, he was often seen sighing deeply and holding back tears. "This session is very touching for me. We always only hope for the best, but stories of destruction are often hidden and we don't want to talk about them," he said. The experience of each session he attended made him reflect on his family's challenging journey.
Frans and his wife seemed very enthusiastic when talking about each session of the PDC workshop they had attended. "In our congregation, people always preach about good things. No one ever wants to talk about the destructive things, even though we know we all have bad experiences too. We need to talk about these bad things and find good solutions. But we never do this. I think through sessions like this, it really helps us to express everything that's in our hearts," he explained. This PDC workshop was attended by 16 parents, including Frans and his wife.
Frans is a father of four children. Currently, Frans is struggling with the future of his youngest child. Frans complains about his son's condition of being unemployed, very naughty, and fond of drinking. Because of this behavior, Frans and his wife did not give their blessing when their son asked for permission to take the entrance exam for the police or military academy. They considered this child to be ungrateful and unworthy of being blessed. Frans and his son often argued, and harsh words and curses would often come out of Frans' mouth.
After attending this workshop, Frans began to introspect and started to learn to forgive and love more sincerely. “I used to think that my child's naughty behavior and drinking habit were purely his fault. I even reached a point where I cursed him. But after attending the PDC, I realized that his behavior was also due to my wrong parenting style. I was too hard on him. I never wanted to listen to what he wanted. I also didn't appreciate him enough. So now I regret it and want to be a prayer pillar for my child and really want to be a good father like in the story of the Father, the Eldest Son, and the Youngest Son,” he recounted. This story is a material from the 'Seeds of Goodness' session found in the Parenting with Love training module for the Christian context.
Now, Frans is committed to being a good role model for his children and for many parents in his congregation. They are willing to share their knowledge about how to properly educate and discipline children without violence. Their experience of raising children through violence and the impact it had on their children serves as a motivation for them to encourage more parents to change their mindset and parenting style. Frans hopes that no more children will grow up with violence.
“We've started visiting our neighbors since yesterday, telling them about the materials we've learned. We said this is really good. We invite them if there are any more WVI activities like this to join. Because this will help us all as parents. We will also invite parents through church services to apply the material we've learned in their homes so that this village can change and progress," concluded Frans.
PDC has changed the hearts of a husband and wife and driven transformation within their family. The broken relationship between parents and children is beginning to be restored, and pure love is beginning to be built. The story of Mr. Frans and his family teach us that it's never too late to transform a family.
Author: Theodor Okoka (Program Coordinator for Sentani and Sarmi Area Programme)
Editor: Mariana Kurniawati (Communication Executive)
