Parenting Transformation in Ngada, East Nusa Tenggara

Parents play a very important and influential role in shaping a child's personality. Good parenting can provide a strong foundation for a child's healthy physical and psychological development. However, many parents living in Indonesia's most remote areas are still stuck in an old-fashioned parenting style that holds to the proverb, "At the end of the cane, there is gold." This means that parenting filled with violence is still considered the right way to raise a child. These parents don't care about their children's hurt feelings, which sometimes leads to resentment toward their loved ones, all because of a parenting style that isn't focused on child protection. 

Fransiskus, 43, a father from a village supported by Wahana Visi Indonesia in Ngada Regency, East Nusa Tenggara, was once a parent who clung to these old methods. The parenting habits he knew were what he was doing then: still filled with verbal violence toward his children. "As a parent, I felt I was doing the best I could for my children," he said, beginning his story of change. 

He began to realise his family could improve when he got involved in the Parenting with Love programme. "Initially, I wondered what I would get out of this activity. But afterward, I understood that as a parent, I still had a lot to learn so that my children could be better in the future," he explained. 

One important session in the Parenting with Love programme was when each parent was asked to reflect on their own past to find the root of the violence they were inflicting on their children. "I remember clearly when I was little, my pinky finger was broken as a punishment for my mischief," Fransiskus recalled. He discovered past trauma that had continued unbroken until he became a parent. Reflecting on the past was the first step that helped the parents find forgiveness and then move on to become parents who would not repeat the same bad things to their children. 

"Then we were invited to appreciate the present and learn from the scriptures about attitudes that can either build or destroy the foundations of a family. We shared experiences about our family lives. I heard many stories about parenting from other parents who have been married for decades. This became a unique motivation for my wife and me, who have only been married for 12 years," he shared. 

Fransiskus committed to no longer raising his children with violence. He promised that the chain of violence would end with him and not be passed down to his children. As a father, he hopes to start praying for his children. He has also begun to lay out the family's dreams. "This requires cooperation between husband and wife for all those dreams to come true," said the man who works daily as a village official. 

The end of the Parenting with Love programme was the most memorable moment for Fransiskus. This session also encouraged him to become a praying father for his children. "We were asked to write down prayers and hopes for our children and family. This is something I rarely do. I immediately remembered when my first child was hospitalised for more than three months. So at that time, I wrote that our family should always be given health and happiness," he revealed. But after his child recovered, he forgot that the power of prayer and hope supported his parenting. Now, Fransiskus has been reminded of this again. 

"I hope that my wife and I can apply everything we've been taught and eliminate verbal and physical violence so that we don't cause wounds or resentment in our children," he concluded. 

Author: Angelina Uta (Field Facilitator from Yakkestra, WVI’s local partner in Ngada) 

Editor: Mariana Kurniawati (Communication Executive)